My Journey to You

 

 Now, my regular life isn't the typical TV "regular life" but I got slapped with it like a splash of cold water. Fairytales end. They are wonderful stories but you can't live in a fairytale. You have to CHOOSE to live in real life. Even if the fairytale is a lifeline it isn't real. Even if the fairytale is a wonderful way to make a point and get a lesson across it in itself isn't true or real.

 I caused pain. So much pain.... A few days ago I crossed a line. I knew it when I did it but not how big of a line. It was huge! I hurt George. I didn't know how to fix it. I thought the worst. This is it. I've lost him forever. I can never be forgiven. My impulsiveness finally ruined my whole life and future. This beautiful man scared me to death. I was a wreck. I had to fix this. I was ready to sacrifice my job if need be. It is complicated and the details won't be listed here. I can say the storm was weathered, damage was suffered, and repairs made us stronger.  I guess I am going backwards. Now for the joy. The new camper is finally here. My new General Manager, all 22 years of him, was so kind to let me run around and get paperwork completed and get the camper set up. It is huge! There is so much about it that makes me happy. I forgot the power cord but the heat works. I had to sleep in it the first night even though I was too tired to completely set it up. I know the...

 I have been searching for reasons for gratitude in my life for a long time. Thinking I had found a religion and savior that met my needs helped for a few years. My life was challenging and my self esteem and mental health were all in the negative realms. I could focus on the afterlife instead of living life. That felt safe for a while. Then it began to feel fake.  I wanted to be grateful for my family,  children, home, salvation, job, food, etc... But honestly I was just going through the motions. This year is different. My future is brighter. It wasn't dark with Ted and the kids but I was just a bit dim. Everything around me was grey.  George brought in light. He didn't need to try hard. We needed each other. Together we burn brighter.  To "celebrate" today we just all went to the playground and enjoyed a day off work.

 It has been a while since I had a panic attack. I really scared George at work not because of my attach but how I dealt with it. I tried talking to him but something we talked about earlier that day did feed the attack. Then a hectic day at work kept feeding it....

 When a relationship grows and inside jokes become very commonplace that no explanation is needed you know you are on the right track. I found a dime and a penny in the parking lot and of course I bent down to pick them up.....